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18th of August, 2025
Checked WPlace out today and quickly grew jealous over every single person whos artwork i've seen. Not because of how it was drawn, but rather that most of these people who drew these pics, SURELY have a friend-circle themselves with either people they hang out with online or in real life. It got me jealous, because i don't have that. And in these recent few weeks, this wave of loneliness overcame me again.
It's strange, when you're usually used to isolation. I know i have, ever since 2016. But as the years pass by, i kind of seek a group of friends. But ironically at the same time, i am horrible at socializing and i am uncomfortable around people i don't know even when i try to act confident around them
Often times, i refuse to. Because im worried that the same people i hang out with, are pieces of shit who believe or follow things which i don't agree with. But then also i ask myself "You didn't think about that kind of stuff, years ago when you made friends in that one school, why now?"
I wish i knew. I really wish i would. I cannot get this image out of my head that people can be evil and people can be traitorous etc. Maybe my general trust in people due to the consumption of negative media, got me into a constant stare of refusal. I don't know what it is. But... i just can't be around people or hang out with people or talk with them.
it got kind got me into a state of hopelessness, a little. Even with online-music groups i see refusal to even partake. My creativity kind of vanished months ago (maybe i know why and how i can reverse that again). Im stuck. I don't know what to do at the moment.
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